I recently had a fight with my boss. I'm not saying this is the whole of it, but a lot of the spat had to do with our differing opinions on the word help.
(WARNING: The words you are about to read may become convoluted and verbose, and, in some cases, probably wrong. If you were to stop reading right now, I wouldn't blame you. These thoughts are coming from a homeschooled, youngest son, who only had four older brothers, one father, and one mother to tell him what girls/women are like.)
It wasn't until we were in the midst of our reconciliation that my revelation struck. I don't know if this is the case with all men, or maybe just the men that I've witnessed acting like this (Sorry, brothers and Dad. This means you.), but, it seems to me, men hear, use, receive, infer the word help to mean "do." I realize this is a blanket statement and should be taken with a grain of salt, but, like actual blankets, blanket statements are cozy to the user, and, figuratively, I'm cold.
If you had told me last week the very thing I just wrote, I would have disagreed with you and spouted off many situations where I used/heard the word help in many different ways than merely do, but I would be lying. With my revelation, dawned my misuse of the word, throughout my life. In requests to others, when asking "would you help me," I was really just saying "would you do this for me."In prayer, when asking God for help in struggles with my sin, I was really just saying "would you simply stop me from sinning." When responding to people who asked for help, I would offer them solutions to their situation, or even stop them from screwing it up and just do it myself. Help meant do, meant take over, meant fix the problem.
My boss told me that she thought it meant support.
I won't get into the gory details of our little tiff; they're not worth mentioning. But I will tell you that she had asked for my help earlier in the day. I had told her that I would help. Then, later, when she actually needed my help, I offered a different solution that was reasonable and justified, but didn't involve me. This left her feeling as if I hadn't helped her at all.
In my mind, I had done my part of helping. In her mind, I had abandoned her.
Shortly after that ordeal, she took a trip to the US for Christmas break. We hadn't had any time to talk over what had happened, or resolve whatever it was that we got irked over. I was a little distraught over the fact that we couldn't resolve this situation and knew that there would be a time that all the "ish" would hit the fan. If you're wondering why I'm writing all this, it's because that time happened earlier today.
We talked for close to two hours, hashing and rehashing what had happened, never coming to any resolution. We both noticed where we both had failed to honor God. We both noticed where we were justified in our hearts behind our actions. We both saw that the other was right. We didn't know what to do next. Something felt wrong, like we couldn't resolve the past or even what to do in the future.
You see, the way I approach problems or arguments or fights (whatever you want to call them) includes two possible solutions: 1) one party is in the wrong, eventually comes to that conclusion and apologizes, or 2) both parties are in the wrong, eventually come to that conclusion and apologize. We had come to the crossroad of both being right, coming to that conclusion and not knowing how to deal with it if it happens again. No resolution.
That's when being a Christian comes in really handy. We didn't know what to do. We couldn't "help" the situation, but we knew that God could help. (The second time I used help in that sentence, I was using it like women do (maybe, I'm still not really sure how they use it).) Another revelation dawned and with it came hope and peace. If and when we came to another crux, Christ would support us. Although we could not and cannot "do" anything on our own to resolve the messes we find ourselves in, we knew that we could do what Christ required through his support to reconcile our hearts in his name. I love believing in Christ. He's my only hope.
I don't know if any of you understood that, or even read it (I thought my warning above was pretty convincing...). I just thought I'd share with you what happened to me today.